Someone Like Me

How many times have I broken down sobbing in the last 24 hours over events in Hazard, Kentucky? I've lost count. Rather than just quoting the facts and then spiraling off in an invective-laced tirade I'm going to write down what I imagine the backstory might be as I think about what happened. What follows is a work of speculative fiction until our protagonist goes to his community pool. From there onward it is all too real.

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Imagine you were born a boy in rural Kentucky to an ordinary family. You grow up just like the other kids in your neighborhood, but by the time you are three or four years old, your parents notice that you aren't learning things as quickly as the other kids. By the time you're ten you know it too. Everyone else can understand things that you struggle with. Their knowledge and ability rockets off beyond yours and you realize that you'll never be smart. Your parents explain to you patiently that your brain is different and that it's not your fault. They cry sometimes, but you know that they love you even though you're slow.

Time goes on and you make the best of the life that's been given to you. Good days, bad days. Your family creates a protective environment and makes it possible to forget sometimes that you're different. You mature into your teenage years. Your brain may be slow, but your body surges ahead just like the other boys. Other boys. You start to notice some of them. You wonder if someday you might find one that notices you. At some point, because you are an honest person and don't know any reason not to, you share these thoughts with someone. Maybe it's your sister, or Mom or Dad. You know something is wrong, but don't understand why people are so upset.

Maybe your parents tell you that your natural impulses are sinful and you must never speak of them again. Maybe they take the deepest breath of their lives and accept that they must help you bear another burden; you're gay. Let's play out the second scenario - I'm almost out of tissues.

Your family helps you make it through your teen years and with assistance from community services you manage to live a semi-independent life. You earn some money. You live in an adult group home with other people whose minds are like yours, but they aren't really like you and you have to keep quiet about your loneliness and desire for intimacy and romantic love.

And then it happens. A miracle. The greatest evidence imaginable for divine grace. You meet another developmentally disabled man who is like you. Someone who can truly understand what it's like to be you. And he's cute. And he's funny and he thinks the same about you. You have to be considerate of your housemates, but you two manage to have some tiny portion of the experiences that everyone else takes for granted. Dates. Flowers. The awkwardness of a first kiss. Even the pinnacle of human intimacy: sex.

And you think to yourself that maybe you get to have a some small measure of happily-ever-after. Maybe just once the brave knight gets to marry the handsome prince.

One day you decide to go swimming together at your community pool. You pay the $3 for you and the $3 for him because you want to be a good boyfriend and that's what they do. You're having a great time in the pool; being goofy as always. Maybe you hold hands for a little while. Maybe he leans over and kisses your forehead. You both smile.

A few minutes later a man in a maintenance uniform comes over and tells you that you have to leave because gay people aren't allowed in the pool. You understand enough to know that this is wrong and you argue that it is discrimination and you have rights even though you are not smart. The man becomes angrier and tells you that they have the right to kick you out because it says so in the Bible.

You're both confused and embarrassed. People are staring at you and you think maybe you've made a mistake. You both leave in tears. Ashamed. Alone except for each other.

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Story time is over. I have to go get some more tissues.

If you would like to contact the manager of the Pavilion community pool in Hazard, Kentucky, here is her contact information:

Pavilion
Deaton Street
Hazard, KY 41701
(606) 436-4200
E-mail: pavilion@cityofhazard.com

Director: Charlotte Sizemore

Be Nice

And if you would like to read the account of what happened in the media, here is one version:

Bible cited as reason for kicking gay men out of public pool

Update:The 83-year-old mayor of the town has apologized and the city is investigating. http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2011/06/15/6868590-group-disabled-gays-forced-to-leave-public-pool

Project 17: Black Linen Dress Shirt

Well, that was fun! I just made my first dress shirt and it came together easily. I drafted myself a new pattern, taking all my favorite features from my current crop of dress shirts and combining them with some ideas of my own. The base material is black linen, which I purchased in bulk online from FashionFabricsClub.com. If you can buy the whole bolt, you save a great deal of money. This material would probably be about $18 a yard in a fabric store, but I got it for about $9 a yard by buying a 12 yard bolt.

I made the placket and collar band out of black silk dupioni. I hoped to add a touch of pizzaz, but it's too subtle, I think. My humble mistakes this time were:

• Not turning under the seam allowance on the inside of the collar band before constructing it. That would have made the topstitching on the inside of the band come out much better.
• After serging the side seams closed, I stitched them to the body of the shirt, but went a little quickly on one of them and made a swerve.
• I put the button holes on the cuffs on the wrong sides again!!!!

I'm really looking forward to making the next dress shirt. If I've learned my lesson from the mistakes listed above then the next one is going to be hard to tell from a professionally made shirt. So. Excited.

Project 16: Neckties

I have to admit that I love ties. They are one of the only pieces in menswear in which you can use shiny, colorful fabric. They are also such an icon of masculinity, which to a gay man is very inspiring.

The most difficult aspect of this project was pattern and construction method selection. I watched videos on YouTube, looked for patterns online and from the big pattern manufacturers. Nothing was quite right. I wanted a traditional lining (also called 'tipping') that folded over the bottom edge, but I didn't want to do the hand stitched seam up the back. I finally gave up and drafted my own pattern, which after quite a few botched attempts works well.

Just for fun, I purchased some labels for my creations that read "Taigh Sheumais Fashions." They make good keepers for the backs of neckties, I've found.

I've gotten all the usual questions. "Why make a tie when you can buy one for $10 at Macy's?" Because, darling, the $10 tie you buy at Macy's is made out of polyester. It looks cheap. Look at the silk ties for $60 and up. I can make one of those for about $12 now.

I love sewing. I love ties. I love men wearing ties. I love men absentmindedly stroking their ties. Oops - was that my outside voice?

Project 15: Silk Basket Weave Vest

So I was in one of my local fabric stores late last year, cruising for bargains at the remnant table when I spied a stack of beige silk dupioni pieces at 50% off the normal price. They weren't big enough to do much with, but out of the blue a vision came to me. If I cut the silk into strips and made bias-tape ribbons I could weave them into larger panels and use the panels to make parts of garments.

Making the bias-tape ribbons was pretty easy. I cut the strips with a rotary cutter and a straight edge, then got a magic folder thing that I just ran the strips of silk through on an ironing board and followed with the iron. I wove the strips on a cork bulletin board and used fabric glue to secure the outer border squares. When I had a piece big enough, I placed the pattern pieces for the front of a vest on them and drew around the outside with a sharpie. (don't faint)

The real trick was figuring out how I could cut the garment pieces out without the whole thing falling apart. The answer came in a flash. I had to stitch around the outline of the pattern piece to fix the upper and lower ribbon squares together at the edge before cutting. It worked like a charm.

I had plenty of silk left, so I made myself a matching necktie. Some critics have said that the look is too matchy-matchy, so I've since purchased some more silk in other colors to make contrasting ties. See! I can take criticism!

Project 14: Long Sleeve Osnaburg Shirt

When I was making our Halloween Jedi Knight costumes in 2010, I discovered this incredible textile, of which I had never heard. Osnaburg is named for the city that invented it in Germany, and was historically associated with the slave culture of pre Civil War America. The material is woven from the left-over bits of cotton after making finer weaves. It's thick and fluffy and strong and is usually unbleached and un-dyed. I think it's beautiful, and so did Lingoman. He dropped several hints in November that he would like any article of clothing made with osnaburg.

I decided to try something new to stretch my skills, so I made him a long sleeve version of my standard Seumas Shirt. I had no serious issues, I'm pleased to report! The little placket on each sleeve where the opening is was a little tricky, but both of us were pleased with the result.

Project 13: Collared Shawl

Shortly after the big Halloween event was over, one of my co-Workers, a woman in her 30s, approached my desk carrying a piece of clothing. It was a black knit shawl-like something. A rectangle with an opening up the middle and fringe at both ends. She asked me if I would make her something like it.

"Does it have to have fringe?" I asked, being a snot.

"No" she replied.

"Does it have to be black?" I asked, pushing it further.

"No" she replied. "I trust your judgement."

I told her to go to a fabric store and find some medium weight wool coat material that she loved and I would do my best. She brought back several swatches and we discussed them. She picked out her favorite and I got busy making a muslin. I actually made two because I had two different design ideas. One had a kimono-style neck / closure treatment and the other had a collar. She went for that one, which made my quite happy since it was a little more challenging.

The wool that she picked was on the cool end of the spectrum, so for the collar and facing I picked brown silk dupioni on the warm end for contrast. I made a long silk ribbon to bind the hem of the wool and used a blind hem stitch to secure the facing to the body of the garment for a fully finished, secure feeling. Nothing worse than trying to put on a garment and finding your facing flopping out for the world to see.


Once it was done, I realized that she was going to need some kind of a purse since there weren't any pockets in the design. In less than an hour I whipped up a little bag to go with it.


I gave it to her yesterday and she loved it. This morning she told me that her husband loved it too and slipped me a few bills. I can't believe that I've designed and sold a garment. Tim Gunn, if someday you read this, I want you to know that I made it work!

Project 12: Halloween Costumes

You've got to be kidding. I didn't sew a single garment between Halloween 2009 and Halloween 2010? My goodness it was a crazy year. Even if I didn't sew anything during most of the year, I certainly made up for it at the end.

I sent out an invitation volunteering to make a Jedi knight costume for the first six people who responded and wanted to come party with us in Vancouver. Four full-time Vancouverites, me and LCD Seattle wound up being the six. A very nice mix, I have to say. I had to be pretty creative, since there is not a licensed pattern, but by studying the movies and reading a lot of Star Wars costuming forum posts I got a fairly solid muslin together in August.

I made two really important fabric sourcing discoveries that month also. First, that there is a very inexpensive kind of fabric called Osnaburg which is made from rejected cotton fibres. It's thick, fluffy, textured and sturdy and dirt cheap. I bought a 15 yard bolt online for about $2 per yard. Second, I found that the retail mark-up on wool is criminal. I bought a three 12 yard bolts of absolutely exquisite dark brown 100% wool online for about $7 a yard. It would have been at least $25 a yard in a fabric store.

I spent just about every free moment in September and October sewing frantically, but I was having a great time doing it anyway. I think my sewing skill level jumped significantly and I know that I got a lot faster at cutting, pinning and pressing! The thing that really made the costumes work, though, were the Hasbro Force FX lightsabers. The have very high quality sound and light effects and were movie-ready replicas of the props used in the movie, as you can see here:



We got a hotel suite in downtown Vancouver so that no one would have to do any driving during the evening and also so that we would have a nice, central costuming location! I've never packed up my sewing equipment for international travel before, so that was an adventure in planning ahead as well.

I also booked us a limo so that we could first attend the Parade of Lost Souls put on by Public Dreams Society in the Commercial Drive area of Vancouver. It's a wonderful performance-art parade and community celebration which is alone well worth the trip to the city. We stopped at Vancouver City Hall on the way to the parade and took a few photos. Here's one of the better group shots:

When we arrived in the area and stepped out onto the sidewalks of Commercial Drive people went nuts. We had dozens and dozens of people take their photos with us, shout "May the Force be with you!" at us across the street, or just exclaim "COOL!" as we came into view. It was absolutely like being a rock star. When the rain started to fall we were glad our costumes had lovely big hoods as we made a beeline for a nearby Italian restaurant. After dinner it was back downtown to visit bars and clubs in the gay village where we were received with great enthusiasm.

Exhausting? yes. Expensive? yes. Worth it? beyond super-yes.

What To Do

The last post is not fair without this one. These are things you can do to help fight for a better future for people like me:

1. Do you have a teenager? Have you told them that it's OK if they turn out not to be straight? That you will love them no matter what?
   
2. Have you asked any High Schoolers in your life if they think that their gay classmates face harassment at school? If so, does the administration do anything about it?
   
3. Join PFLAG and volunteer. Tell them I sent you.
   
4. Find your local LGBT at-risk youth center and volunteer or donate.
   
5. Contact the Trevor Project to donate or volunteer.
   
6. Schedule a meeting with your church's minister to discuss LGBT inclusion in their ministry. Tell them that I want to hear back about what they are doing to help.

There's a start. Go.