Spell to Attract a Cool Boyfriend

Back in June of 1999, when I moved to Baile Ard, I had a clear sense that I was entering a very special period of my life. I knew that the experiences I had there would be a touchstone for everything that came after. As it turned out, I was right on the money.

I decided that this move warranted more than just a house warming party. I wanted an all-weekend affair, so I decided to hold three events. On the Friday evening there would be a House Blessing / Spell Casting party, followed by a House Warming Ceilidh on Saturday evening, and Survival Brunch on Sunday.

For the House Blessing / Spell Casting party, I settled on four enchantments that I wanted for my new home and I wrote instructions for each and made copies for all the guests. They were free to perform any or all of them in any order they wished. I plan on writing a short piece about each spell, and to start off, here is the one I called: Spell to Attract a Cool Boyfriend.

Gather two friends together and get a condom each. All three wave the condoms over the bed while one recites the following charm. The other two should chime in on the "COME YE NOT" parts! 

I send my voice through time and space
in all directions from this place
And call upon men who themselves love men
to arise and come hither!
BUT COME YE NOT
lest ye bring honesty
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring youthful maturity
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring good health
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring a sense of humor
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring faithfulness
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring a love of all Gaeldom
COME YE NOT
lest ye bring a recent pay stub
NOW, by this charm so nimbly wrought
and with many gifts from Ikea bought
come hither and shower love on Seumas
and should this work, may he never blame us!
Heed this charm!
Cause no harm!
So mote it be!

That was in June 1999. I met Doug in April, 2001. Considering how many conditions I placed on the spell, I think that less than two years was an exceptional turnaround time.